Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
