okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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