So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
