you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
