He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
