So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Drake has all the answers
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Randomize
