Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
