your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Randomize
