Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
We are all done wearing pants today
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
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