Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
