She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
