I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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