Come see our sink grown plant.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Oh god it's open bar.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
