I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
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