Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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