No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
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