Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
not ubering you a puppy
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Randomize
