Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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