I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
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