Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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