I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
