ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
