i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
love makes seman taste better
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
