Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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