I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
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