this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
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