I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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