So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
We had sex on a dog bed..
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
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