using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
