I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
