Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
