some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Randomize
