oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
