I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize