You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Randomize
