I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
