its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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