I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
