do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
