so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Randomize
