sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
