oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
