so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
