Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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