OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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