fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Randomize
