my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
