Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Randomize
