Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Randomize
