i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I need to sanitize my soul.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
