Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
